When is it too much?

I'm having a dilemma.

I've been given a couple of store credit to use to purchase items from a shop and my BIG problem is what to spend it on. I know, I know. There are more pressing problems in the world right now but this entry is about how I feel at the moment.

I know people who are among the Philippines' top bloggers and so I hear firsthand about their stories of how brands approach them, what they are offered and what they get. For a small, relatively unknown blogger like me, their stories sometimes make me green with envy. Whenever I express my awe, "you're so lucky", they tell me to just work hard for my time will come soon too.

...and slowly, it has. I think.

I hate to admit it but my barometer for being a hot (like relevant) blogger was that you get lots freebies and get invited to tons of events. While I don't get invited to TONS of events, I've been to my fair share of them and while I don't get LOTS of freebies, I've definitely enjoyed some perks I wouldn't normally do if I didn't have a blog.

So now segue back to my dilemma. I never knew asking to pick something to use and blog about could be quite a pain. I mean, like any other human, of course I would grab the opportunity! But only now do I realize how hard it is to say no. Now, only do I realize how hard it might be for a bigger blogger. Look at it this way, companies prefer their blogs because more people patronize them and the campaign would be visible, so they get tons of proposals--some of which are too good an opportunity to pass off, so they say yes. But at the end of the day, it gets tiring. So many things to blog about, that blogging becomes a chore. Someone told me recently that I was lucky because I could post my personal thoughts. She said she misses blogging long and reflective entries. She has to post shorter entries just to catch up on backlogs, but she doesn't feel like it comes from the heart.

Back then I thought, "Okay, she's just emo" but I realize now that she's right. As I write this entry, I realize now why I had a hard time picking out stuff--because they are not ME. I blog to express MY thoughts, MY style, and MY likes. If ever I am going to be picking out something, of course it's gonna be something I am going to use. I'm not gonna waste the little credit I have on things I won't use/will just give away eventually. I don't care if people don't appreciate my style just cause it's different and simpler compared to the accustomed "blogger style". I know I've come to the point where I don't care if I have few readers or few page views as long as they actually care about what I have to say (which is why when people tell me or tweet me that they read my blog, I really cherish it). I'm real. As real as you can get (sounds like a load of fluff but it's true).

As for my LIFE-ALTERING DILEMMA, I guess I have to wait for something I want to be available.

(PS. If you read through the whole thing, THANK YOU. :)