24: Fiercest and Fearless


I met up with Mithi yesterday and I just wanted to share something she told me that I can't get off my mind: "Dapat hindi na tayo maghiya-hiya kasi 25 na tayo" (We shouldn't be shy or scared [to try new things]  because we are already 25 years old) 
Technically, I'm still 24, but I'll be 25 in a few months (my mom got married at 25 by the way) so that was a wake-up call for me. I know that life isn't a race and that I should move at my own pace, but I know for myself that I have let my fair share of opportunities pass me by because I was scared. I still think I'm 18 or 20 sometimes, and when I find myself letting go of an opportunity because I'm scared, I think "there's always gonna be a next time". I thought, how many times will I dismiss opportunities I could have taken with "next times"? I'm relatively young, but at my age, is next time still even a valid excuse?

Over the  past few weeks, I've been meaning to apply to all these big companies (my ~*dream*~ companies) but I get disheartened when I see that about 500 other people are looking at the same job opportunity. I keep thinking, "what's my edge against these other candidates?" I did not particularly excel in college, academically and leadership-wise. I did not come from one of the Big 4 universities, whose applicants companies apparently consider first. I'm just one of the many recent graduates lost in the fray. And if that's the case, why should I try? Why should I try when there is a small, small chance I'd get chosen?

It wasn't always like this though. This me is such a far cry from the optimistic me pre-grad when I reassured my friend that we will get hired. Although I don't doubt that we will, it's how small the intersection of the getting hired and actually liking the job/company Venn diagram that I'm worried about. (I think it's okay for me to feel this way, right? Post-grad blues. No structure of school to fall back on anymore thus the apprehensions)

Today though, as I recalled Mithi's passing remark, I got to my senses and realized that I WILL NEVER KNOW UNLESS I TRY. If I do not submit an application, companies will never know me. If they never know me, they'll never call me. And I'll never know if I was good enough to make the cut. (in the first place though, why am I even thinking that I am not good enough.? Everyone is good enough, even if no one ever recognizes them for it) If I don't even make a move to talk to the cute guy I've been eyeing, I will never know if his personality matched his looks or if he only cared about himself (in which case, good thing if I learned about it early on as to not waste any more time thinking of him. LOL)

Fear can really be debilitating. It stops you from being the best version of yourself, and oftentimes, it wasn't even something really scary to begin with, but the overthinking makes you run from it. FEAR IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD.

Here's a beautiful quote by Marianne Williamson. I remember this from The Blind Side

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 

I hate sounding like a cliche, but sometimes I need to be reminded of the power that I have inside of and over myself. Maybe you could use a little dose of power yourself? :)


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