Nietzsche said "the worst enemy you can meet will always be yourself" and I have to agree. How many times have we doubted ourselves and our capabilities? How many times have we compared what we've achieved and what others have achieved? How many times have we been insecure about how we look? How many times have we ever felt that WE. JUST. AREN'T. GOOD. ENOUGH?
I've felt that countless times. I've always admitted [it to myself] that I set impossibly high standards for myself. I don't know why, perhaps it's to protect myself, or probably cause it's an inborn thing? Irregardless, when I'm in a mood of self-loathing (and I'm sure you've experienced this too), there is nothing anyone can say that can change how low I think of myself. During these times, I feel like the scum of the earth. It doesn't help that it's during these times, I compare myself to others whom I deem have achieved so much more than I have even though they're my age or younger than me.
This post isn't to lure you into your own self-loathing downward shame spiral. I mean, who wants that? I just realized that perhaps one of the reasons I'm (or we're) so hard on ourselves is because we know we can do it but we failed to. WE CAN. I've thought about it. I could be a doctor. I could go to med school too like my friends, but I don't want to. I've realized that we've been blessed and given all the faculties and capabilities to do whatever we want BUT we just choose not to for fear of ridicule or just plain fear of failing. Come to think of it, when we think someone will ridicule us, isn't that already our mind telling us not to do something?
I realize that in the Philippines, what other people say about you is important. But, I've always thought that when it comes to choosing to do what makes you happy versus not doing it cause people will talk about you, you just have to choose what matters more to you: your happiness or others'. Because based on experience, your TRUE friends will be happy for you and your detractors will talk shit about you cause they're jealous (but don't feel it or whine about having haters too much; that's too OA. The haters want attention so don't give it to them).
Oh and another thing, most of the time people tend to forget what "stupid thing" you did so don't be too conscious. I believe a lot of people nowadays are pretty much self-absorbed to remember so don't sweat it too much! My friend Ayessa tells me I'm much too conscious so whenever I find myself getting too conscious, I think of that. I find that I feel much happier and freer when I don't care about what other people say.